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The current period marks a ten-year milestone since the term “vanishing” entered the mainstream. Back then, the concept that someone could suddenly stop contact with a partner without a word seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the decade since, seeking a significant other has only become more confounding – an frequently pointless pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by social media slang.

Generation Z, a cohort who matured during a loneliness crisis, a male identity crisis, and a widespread challenge on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their Gen Y predecessors could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the limits of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a comprehensive breakdown to the terms gen Z is using to navigate romance, sex and the search of both. To echo one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the end of this guide you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – For gen Z, romance's ultimate goal is presenting as your real, raw self. You'll need it with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend inspired by a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your date's response is engaged or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while exuding enigma and independence. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Support test – This means seeking out someone who supports you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people bond while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do affordable dating in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, dumping all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s yuppie excess, it refers to pairs who opt out of having children to focus on their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The opposite of playing it cool: practicing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Signals

• Red flags – Behavioral quirks signaling a prospective partner is bad news. Such as calling their exes unstable, bad gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits validate your choice to pursue a mate. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, mostly harmless quirks. Examples include being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their bag, paying the rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women’s increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An archetype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Arbitrary and frequently trivial repulsions that immediately extinguish any feelings of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful gesture.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {